An Open Letter: The NHS tried to straighten my transness. This is abuse.

My personal testimony of being abused by the National Health System in plain sight, as a trans person.

I am done staying silent. It’s important that people know the truth, despite the risks involved.

I am a survivor of what I believe was state-sanctioned conversion therapy, carried out under the supervision of the NHS. This was not decades ago. It happened in the last decade.

The National Health Service will never admit it. They will try to convince me it was my fault. They already have tried to deny it several times. My story is not unique. I have already tried to go public on my Bluesky, and I have already had a trans person talk about how they believe they’ve been abused by the NHS too.

But the NHS will still try and deny it happened. I am done staying silent. Before my book comes out, people need to know the truth. As a journalist, I aim to tell the truth, the truth, and only the truth.

The NHS, in its current form, is not a functioning health service. Parts of it are still stuck in the 1940s. Waiting lists are at record highs, with over three million people not being seen at all. For trans people like me, the system is actively harmful.

The doctors and nurses are not the problem. It’s the attitudes of the people who run the organisation. And those attitudes are directly linked with politics.

Completely Misdiagnosed My Childhood Issues

I left home at 18, already deeply confused about my identity. I knew I was not a man, because I never had been, as I am trans. My childhood had been traumatic, but instead of addressing that or supporting my gender identity, the NHS became the main trauma.

My first mental health referral was to CAMHS (Child & Adolescent Mental Health Services), after I smashed a school window in fear. At home, things were unsafe, but nobody in the NHS ever asked me about my home life.

Instead, I was diagnosed with autism, sent an “autism alert card,” and left without meaningful support. My struggles, including bullying, sexual assault by peers, and complicated childhood trauma, were ignored. My GP gave me antidepressants in a ten-minute appointment. No safeguarding. No questions. Nothing.

I became incredibly depressed as I increasingly suffered abuse from peers growing up, and I was increasingly dysphoric. I was even sexually assaulted by other kids in school on a daily basis. I was subjected to all kinds of verbal abuse and told my life was worthless, repeatedly, from primary to secondary school. I told the NHS about these things in my CAMHS appointment. And I was told it was because of autism.

I still do not think I am autistic, or if I am, I have mild autism, and it is not an explanation for my childhood. I believe I have Attention Deficit Disorder (ADHD) and trauma/CPTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) from my upbringing, but I will never be sure now because I do not trust any medical professional at all.

Forward Thinking Birmingham

I went to university in Birmingham in 2018. Because of how difficult my childhood was, I ended up in mental health services. That was when the abuse from the NHS really broke me.

Forward Thinking Birmingham is a mental health service that I believe needs to close. I was progressively sedated with more and more antipsychotics, benzodiazepines, and mood stabilisers to try and “reduce my symptoms of psychosis” because I did not know I was trans at the time and they thought being trans was the disease.

As an intelligent individual with independent thought, I went along with it. I even helped the psychiatrists by researching what could possibly be wrong with me. I was unwittingly helping my abusers who did not believe I was trans. They ignored me when I told them and pretended I had never said anything about being trans.

Three psychiatrists ended up in my dorm room prescribing me quetiapine for my “psychosis” and I was threatened with discharge if I did not accept clozapine. I was then discharged for not accepting clozapine under duress, an incredibly serious antipsychotic that needs blood monitoring. I clearly did not need the drug. I was an 18-year-old struggling with identity, being trans, and childhood trauma. I was not schizophrenic. I DID NOT NEED TO BE CHEMICALLY SEDATED.

I was literally handed drugs in a shrink’s car outside the University of Birmingham campus. I was constantly asked if I was feeling better and told I was experiencing fewer symptoms of psychosis.

I do have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but that OCD would never have formed if the NHS had not made me constantly doubt myself over whether I was feeling “better” with the new mental health drugs, essentially inducing a new disorder into me by questioning my own sanity at every step.

The CPTSD from my childhood would not be disabling if the NHS did not force me to engage with family trauma at every opportunity, only to pull away support services every time I started talking about it because I “lost eligibility.” I was not given a full CPTSD assessment. Instead, I was diagnosed with three questions.

The ADHD I think is the only thing that has always been “wrong” with me. And there is nothing wrong with having ADHD. But I was treated like a drug seeker when I requested ADHD medication.

I was denied stimulants, prescribed an SNRI (serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors) despite known previous adverse reactions to serotonin modifying drugs suicidality and mood issues amongst other things), and I was made to travel to Birmingham in person to complete the assessment after I had moved to Manchester without reason other than NHS policy. They were still reluctant to give me the treatment.

Pointless Overmedication & Loss of Self

I have been on approximately thirty different mental health medications. You would think they would stop after five. They did not. And who knows what permanent side effects these drugs have given me. It is probably part of the reason why I am so damaged now and unable to work full-time.

I have read through my Greater Manchester Mental Health records and it is disgusting how I have had to explain my life over and over again, only to be judged by mental health professionals, nurses, psychologists, and psychiatrists, and be told I’m wrong for feeling the way I do. I have been told by multiple mental health nurses that I have a personality disorder as a way to get rid of me and to mistreat me. I believe I have been mistreated in hospital repeatedly and have repeatedly experienced transphobia within the NHS.

I was forced to attend appointment, after appointment, to create more paperwork without any treatment progress. I was given so many broken promises. My Greater Manchester Mental Health record is about 500 pages long combined. If you include my mental health files from Forward Thinking Birmingham Mental Health Team, and the Countess of Chester Hospital I reckon it’s probably closer to 800.

Therapy was denied to me under the guise of ‘moving out of area of the trust’ (in full knowledge that this would put me at the back of the waiting list), being too ill for services, not being ill enough for services, underfunding, and every excuse under the book.

I have counted 13 therapy referrals since 2018. Some of my favourites have been:

• A man who clearly did not understand the challenges behind being trans and my background, who genuinely tried but I was forced to stay with him because of zero other choice in the system.

• A woman who was lovely, but I had to explain the very basic concepts of CBT to them. To not provide me a proper therapist with an actual working understanding of trauma despite supposedly being there for trauma is abusive.

• My personal favourite, the therapist who discharged me from his therapy for “being unable to leave my overthinking thoughts in a plastic bag outside at night” by session two.

• And finally, a therapist literally worked with me on the serious problem of leaving “twenty sponges in the sink because I don’t know how to clean dishes” as an OCD behaviour. He came up with a treatment plan and everything.

Does the NHS even have qualified therapists at this point? Or have they all left for private practice?

Institutional Abuse

I have even had the police give me sympathy after hearing about my experiences with the NHS. The police. Given my experiences with the police, the police have honestly treated me better than the NHS. Which given how I allege that they have assaulted me, says a lot.

During suicide attempts, I was misgendered repeatedly by AMHPs and other professionals in writing, and I believe it was clearly deliberate. There is no other way to interpret it. You do not write “Female” and then continue to use he/him pronouns on the same form, alongside “the citizen is wearing female attire,” unless you are trying to be actively transphobic.

I was abused during mental health assessments and told it was my fault for not “trying hard enough.”

The few psychiatrists who listened actually cried and said the system had failed me. And still couldn’t help me.

I have been in a Section 136 (a mental health detention) in a hospital right next to where my domestic abuser lives. I was ignored when I raised concerns.

I have had many safeguarding alerts put on me by the few supportive NHS staff, only to be ignored by others. Most NHS staff never read my records anyway, and I had to re-explain my life story.

I have tried to commit suicide many times because of repeated, inappropriate medications being prescribed to me that made me feel drastically worse. I have tried to commit suicide because I was denied help so many times for trans issues.

I have been told I was ‘verbally abusive’ by the NHS repeatedly and a ‘violent patient’ over the years, all because I was deeply vocally unsatisfied with their services and I called them idiots for bringing me to A&E, making me wait for eight hours on an uncomfortable chair, and then being discharged home after a suicide attempt with no help, expecting me to somehow get better with a leaflet to the Samaritans.

It was not even worth printing, and I stopped accepting these leaflets years ago. It’s just a complete insult. How about the NHS actually gives me therapy than burdening a stretched charity for no reason?

All this is at the taxpayers expense. I paid taxes while I worked despite all this going on. And this is the level of service I received.

It’s not good enough.

No Care in Trans Healthcare

I was lied to by Forward Thinking Birmingham about being referred to Nottingham GIC. I spent six months believing that lie. It was only a trans-friendly GP who caught it, and I have never seen a GP scream so hard over the phone since. I was then referred to Sheffield. I was never seen under Sheffield GIC either.

To this day, I still have not been seen by a GIC. I have been seen by Indigo, the new Manchester GIC pilot, but they have repeatedly failed me:

• They refused to prescribe progesterone due to a so-called “lack of evidence,” despite the fact that I have developed breasts and a sex drive while taking it. Apparently, my own lived experience is just placebo, and clearly I know nothing about my body. That’s medical misogyny.

• They denied funding for an extra session of laser hair removal because I missed an appointment while I was homeless. This policy is heartless and there is zero human decency in this.

• They are nearly impossible to contact, unless you count sending an email into the void and praying for a reply as reasonable communication. They have no phone number. Nor any physical presence I can go to.

• They refused to put me on the co-production panel for services, even though I have highlighted serious flaws and I objectively have the expertise to help fix them.

• They failed to maintain meaningful communication with me outside of annual reviews.

• They tried to deny me surgery because my T levels were 3 instead of 2.5, the supposedly acceptable range, until my GP stepped in to overturn this nonsense.

• I felt forced under Indigo to come out as a trans woman instead of non-binary because they were using the same gender psychiatrists as the GICs, and it is clear they still practice gatekeeping to this day. Recently, Transcend, who are a Cheshire gender pilot, tried to suggest my partner, who is a non-binary AFAB lesbian, are “just a lesbian with body dysmorphia,” delaying the top surgery referral.

It’s completely sickening. You cannot trust a gender psychiatrist with anything. Not even to make a cup of tea, because they would probably find a way to gatekeep the concept of Earl Grey as well.

Who is NHS Policy, and how can I meet her?

I had to go into hospital recently in 2025, and I believe have been abused there too. I have made a complaint, but the Chief Executive of Wythenshawe Hospital has declined every part of my complaint except for the medication error that literally cannot be ignored as it breaks the law.

I was literally starved in hospital because I was so unwell. I was denied appropriate food over, and over again. Because of policy to only feed patients at meal times and if they miss meal times, they aren’t allowed to eat. Deranged.

I was told to complain to PALS. PALS didn't care.

I was left screaming for dear life for close to an hour in A&E because of insufficient pain relief. And the staff were aware and chose to do nothing. I cannot imagine how traumatising that was for my partner who was there to advocate for me; if I was alone, I’m pretty sure the NHS would have left me to die.

I was given a form for my ‘autism’ that was mandatory to fill in. I did not consent, and the hospital put it on the system anyway, claiming policy. This was clearly designed for low-functioning autistic individuals. I did not want to fill this in. I just wanted to speak to the nurses like any other person. I felt like they used me not filling this in as a shield for any miscommunications and it was clearly a way to manage liability for the hospital and NOT to help autistic patients.

I have had my trans housemate in 2025 go through the NHS and be repeatedly denied reasonable adjustments for their disabilities in hospitals, because of policy and Greater Manchester Mental Health has misgendered them on the refusal letter for an ADHD assessment.

I was touched without my consent, repeatedly. I was told that was standard policy. I had my ‘startle reflex’ tested by being suddenly grabbed without my consent, despite being clearly conscious but in pain, and despite having a PTSD diagnosis on my system. The doctor couldn’t see the issue with this. It was just routine to do this.

I was interrogated about my sex life by consultants. I was asked inappropriate questions that made me very, very uncomfortable as a queer person. I felt dirty and I was pressured to explain my queerness, while high on morphine.

I was moved in the middle of the night from the womens’ ward to a separate room. There was no seeming clinical need, and I was never given an explanation.

I’ve had the nurse move my bed up despite me screaming out in pain that she was crushing my spine.

I have had a nurse laugh about putting the call button out of reach.

I could go on, and apparently these things are not real complaints. The best they did was hunt down a few nurses in this completely dysfunctional environment and harass them for apologies, whereas it seems half of the managers in this hospital should be fired.

It’s not good enough.

Mistreatment in Hospital, Round 2

I then was in the same hospital again because I was prescribed an antidepressant for my OCD despite my objections, as it was the only option for the GP. This medication caused me to feel so unwell that the GP called an ambulance.

The GP did not consult with the on-call psychiatrist as it was impractical to do so, and the GP was left to prescribe medication for a patient with a complex history without any support.

I did not want an antidepressant, I needed therapy. Despite this, I was told that ‘there needed to be some actions on the paperwork’ to be reconsidered for a referral a Community Mental Health Team, so through coersion and desperation, I agreed to take yet another medication that I knew would have an adverse effect on me.

It not only turned out that the Community Mental Health Team, which was responsible for the mental health of some of the most unwell in Manchester DID NOT deliver trauma therapy, BUT ALSO was refusing my referrals over, and over, and over again, because I did not fit the criteria, despite me being eligible under the Care Act. They refused to budge at all.

I ended up being actually banned from this hospital for 12 months and given a Community Resolution Order by the cops because I was screaming for help because I was deeply suffering (sweating profusely, vomiting etc), from this incorrectly prescribed medication, and the hospital called the cops instead of recognising it as a mental health crisis and incapacity caused by the medication.

I was then told that I had assaulted someone when this was not the case, and I believe I was forced to sign a false confession. I never got medical help. I was told to go to a different hospital, but I didn’t, because I was too scared because I was treated like a criminal for trying to get healthcare.

I survived, but this is not an acceptable standard of care.

I was then not allowed to explain later what happened from my perspective, because I am literally not allowed to even step on the pavement of the hospital, unless I am literally in cardiac arrest. This is literally what the letter says verbatim.

If I go to hospital, this is the first thing doctors see too on the system. This totally does not prejudice my future care at all, and totally doesn’t lead to more doctors mistreating me.

I was given no support from the hospital, no advocacy, and no referrals. To this day, I still have appointments with Wythenshawe Hospital staff, and they have to book me into other buildings in the trust, inconveniencing me and them. This ban is entirely and utterly fucking pointless, put in place beacause of a Trust Violence Reduction Policy, and this doesn’t even ‘protect staff’ from ‘being assaulted’. It’s a complete joke. But the NHS managers are happy.

Summary

I am not the only one. The NHS has a serious problem with abuse and neglect in mental health and trans healthcare, as well as institutional transphobia. And when you challenge it, you get told it’s policy and to suck it up.

This is a system so broken that it consistently harms vulnerable people instead of helping them. I have been on both the patient and mental health worker side.

I support workers’ strikes in the NHS. I can’t imagine working in this environment, being heavily underpaid and coming into work every day wishing it was the last.

As a non-NHS mental health worker who started their own non-profit because their experiences were so bad, I was expected to wait with suicidal people for four hours because of a lack of ambulances. I saw first hand people waiting years for therapy. I was expected to accept that ‘crisis intervention’ meant that the crisis team would come out in three days. They literally redefined what the fucking word ‘crisis’ meant. And they didn’t see a problem.

They even redefined a therapy hour as fifty minutes! I think to redefine the well-established concept of time truly shows how far the NHS will go to save pennies, but completely sidestep treating patients.

I believe the NHS leadership needs to change radically, and more money given to the NHS will just be spaffed up the wall. I don’t think this is a money issue. I believe the system needs reform from the ground up. I believe the public needs to know this story so people like me are not forgotten.

And that’s why I’m sharing all this, despite the legal liability it may put me in. Because it’s important people know the truth of why I am so fucked up as a person.

It’s all because of NHS policy.